Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
