I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
