Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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