Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
