What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
