before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
