Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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