No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
