No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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