some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
