You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
