I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
