New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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