she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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