you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
