he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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