We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
