Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
