I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
