glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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