you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
