I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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