Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
