proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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