idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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