Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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