I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
