guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
