so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
