do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
