The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
