Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
