sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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