I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
