Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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