I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
