I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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