just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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