After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
