oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
