I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
