break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
