I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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