I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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