He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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