Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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