You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
