i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
