i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
