I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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