Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think my tv is drunk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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