Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
